i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
