I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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