Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
