she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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