and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need water and some morals
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
