I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
