When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You made out with two different species that night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
