Did you just see the Batmobile???
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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