WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
