Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
