if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
