Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
