she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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