I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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