Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
