Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
