It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
