i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
