i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he thought i was a dude.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
