I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
