Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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