If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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