I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
