I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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