Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
