I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sext me about skeletons
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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