I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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