you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
