sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
