Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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