Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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