wat bout pragnant strippers??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
