I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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