just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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