"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
