No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
