So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is glitter all over my balls
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
