I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
