My room smells like vodka and shame
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
