I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
