fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
