Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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