You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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