Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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