Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
