Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
