So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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