So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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