I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
