I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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