so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize