Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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